I was never a “young” mom, as my husband and I were blessed by having children later in life, but when I was in the early stages of parenting, I would often lay my head on the pillow at night and assess my mothering. I would reflect on the events of the day, what my daughters had learned, said, done, and how I had responded to them. I would wonder, “What could I have done better?” One day I mentioned this nocturnal habit to a neighbor whose children were the same age as mine, saying something along the lines of, “You know how, when you go to bed at night, and a movie of the day replays in your mind, and how you think over what could have gone better . . . ” and I will never forget how she looked at me. It was clear reflecting on her parenting was not her practice.

Of the dispositions mentioned by Bialka (2016), the most critical is reflective practice. Bialka states clearly that, “Dispositions are the union of one’s beliefs and actions, which are inherently adaptable and bolstered through deliberate reflection” (p. 17). What we do reflects what we believe. Our actions impact others. We must be willing to examine our hearts, to assess why we do and say the things that we do and say. We must be willing to look inside themselves and carefully consider their thoughts, words, and deeds, especially in times of conflict.

I recall criticisms more easily than kind words. The hardest word I have ever received as a teacher, one that has stuck with me over the decades, is “racist.” The first time I received this label by a parent, whose child I adored and labored to help, it cut me deeply. It was unimaginable to me how this label fit the circumstances. I dearly loved her child. The second time, many decades later, the same scenario was true. My school was trying everything possible to support a particular child, a child we loved dearly, and the mother called me a racist. I determined to understand how this was possible. She saw something that I could not see, and I have spent the last several years examining my heart on this matter, reflecting on my childhood experiences, looking for presuppositions, considering my fears. While I cannot say I have landed on an answer, the act of self-reflection has been a tremendously helpful exercise.

The puritans were advocates of self-examination. After all, if a Christian is not growing more like Christ, he must consider whether his faith is genuine. If I say I believe and continue to sin, will there come a day when Jesus will say He never knew me? I believe reflective practice, though painful, nurtures humility and kills pride; it is in this lovely, lowly position that teachers may see their genuine, God-led practices which are of most use in his kingdom.